Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in painxoverdose's LiveJournal:

Sunday, September 17th, 2006
7:35 pm	Bleh. So yeah. Life. Well I started liking this certain someone again after a year, and got rejected for the fourth time. I guess I build her up so much in my mind that I think she is perfect for me, but apparently she's not. And I can't get her out of my head. It sucks, because I want to be with her so badly, but I know deep down that it's impossible. And some part of me, a little part left over from middle school, blames it on the fact that I've got some cushion for the pushing. It's sick, and its lame. No matter what I try, I can't succeed in this life. Hopefully my adult years will turn out better. Here's to life. On a better note, I'm legal in like three months. w00t! Peace. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 25th, 2006
10:44 pm	My Chance, Lost. Yes. Well i come with sad tidings, instead of angry ones. Alas, I have failed to attract said girl, and am still single after 17 years. No kisses. No dirty play. No nothing. And that makes me sad, cause I try. And I'm not ugly. I guess its just my personality. Damn. Well. Time to recede back into loneliness. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Monday, August 21st, 2006
10:01 pm	Parting is such sweet Misery And i'm going to enjoy every fucking second of it. Among other things my mother is an overbearing workaholic. She doesn't know how to relax and vacation.. at least not in my book. Instead of moving heavy rocks all day, we should be sitting on the fucking beach in hawaii drinking Maui Lemonade, and chilling with people named Shane. Damn i want to surf now. ARGH. Girls drive me insane. They DON'T LIKE TO COMMUNICATE. I thought the whole point of girls existence was to bitch about communication. Damn i'm in the wrong boat.. sorry! i'll just jump into the fucking cold ocean and DROWN. Yay! I call upon my arcane powers to HIT THE KILL BUTTON. Damnit stop everything in my life, except for the time before i leave for school. I'm damn sore everywhere and its gonna be worse tomorrow, plus i'm really tired as it is. I miss people from school, only have until sunday. Damn i can't wait. To get out of here. I feel like i should be putting more meat in these posts. But i really lack the drive. It's a wonder i'm still posting frequently. Sheesh. Current Mood: damn Current Music: Muse (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 18th, 2006
9:15 pm	Damn. A week is so long. Yes indeed. I leave Hell's ridge in a week. And God Dammit I can't wait. Please. Save me. My family argues about the stupidest things. And it's because my family does stupid things. That makes sense doesn't it? Stupid arguments over stupid actions. Truthfully I try to stay out, I don't even try to break it up, but I did today. What a mistake. And I'm really tired. I can't wait to get back to St. Louis to see if my wooing was in vain. Just need to get away from here. It seems this journal is the only outlet for me. I can't even write music. I thought poetry was my form of expression,  but dammit i can't do that either. What the hell. Many of my friends commented on how much happier I seemed when I came home after being away at school. Well all that happiness is gone. All I have are memories that I have to drown myself in for another week. Drown seems to harsh. Submerge myself in. I see the way it is. Keep walking, don't look. I'm different. That's funny. You can leave all your musings. I don't care. I'm lost now. Only the stars can guide me, and they have but a faint glimmer left. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Postal Service - Such Great Heights (Comment on this)
Monday, August 14th, 2006
1:07 am	Siblings... Honestly. My brother is such a cry baby. He still calls our mother mommy because he wants to. The only reason I still do is because everytime i call her mom she trys to guilt me into calling her mommy. I guess she still imagines me as a little child. Fuck that. Anyway, he 'needs' to sleep tonight. Yet it's 1. And he's still playing games downstairs. what. the. fuck. I was updating a game that I enjoy, an update that would take upwards of seven hours even on my dsl. Unfortunately for my situation my computer is in my room. And my brothers room. yeah, my mom thought it would be a good idea to put my brother and i in the same room. Bull-fucking-shit. It blows. He can't deal with any sounds while he is 'trying' to get to sleep. Hell my hearing is more sensitive than his, but he's gonna have to grow up and deal with it. He can't always have what he fucking wants. WHich is what he always gets because he is the oldest, and my mom's model child. She listens to him. I could care less. I don't care who listens to me in myy family, I'm used to being ignored. But he can't deal with the fucking sound of a computer, or a damn fan. That's why it's 100 degrees in our room at night. damn. grow up and think about the other person. As I mentioned my hearing is more senstive that his, and my computer is the quietest one in the house. I can't hear it when I go to sleep, but I guess he needs his beauty sleep so badly that he can't deal with it. WELL DAMN, I'LL JUST EAT UP YOUR FUCKING BANDWIDTH! God damn. I'm updating at the best possible time, when NO ONE is online, or using the bandwidth. Well he's gonna suffer when he plays all his damn games. Don't get me wrong. My brother can be cool sometimes. Just usually not. I can't wait for school. I want to see Mia again, because I miss her, and looking at pictures isn't cutting it. I hope it all works out. I am tempted to call the F U Line at our local radio station, and screaming at my brother about it, but it's too public, and he'll probably hear it. I wish he didn't think he was so 'perfect'. I guess I am the only person in this household making maturity progress. Grow up. If he reads this, he's gonna go to my mom and cry about it, and then i'll get in trouble for spouting on a PRIVATE journal, that no one but two people have access to. Great. He IS a cry baby. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: The Radio (Comment on this)
Friday, August 11th, 2006
11:32 pm	Well Another Denied Passage Yeah... so there was this incredibly cool thing that I could have done. But my mother had the wonderful insight to not allow me, and so I can't do this. Not that it matters. I would be able to have a better standing in a highly acclaimed gaming clan, and get to spend a late evening with a whole bunch of people i don't know at a pub in Edmonds. Well I didn't mention pub. White Lies are my best friends sometimes. Oh well, this sort of thing happens I guess. But it didn't happen, and that makes me angry. Besides not having a social life during the summer, I just feel lonely and useless. I feel like I'm missing my childhood. Isn't childhood supposed to be a time of happiness, carelessness, and freedom? What has happened to that? I guess I matured to early. I got the 'i don't give a shit' attitude when i was 14 or 15... from then on I was... well shunned from my family. To give exact references would take all day and all night, which I don't have. I might indulge later in its own post. I feel like I got the short end of the deal. God took my father. Yes the argument is made frequently that 'he is still with me'. But what sort of shit is that? I respect my father, and I know that he is here with me... but really that's not good enough. I may believe in spiritual things as my religion goes, but I also believe that someone needs physical love and care too. I haven't had a father for 6 years. To me this sounds like I'm bitching, and that I shouldn't be doing this because there are a lot more people worse off than I am. But the whole point of this journal is freedom through honesty, and I'm being brutally honest, if not a bit selfish. Anyway, I wish that he had been here, and I feel like I missed a part of my life because he wasn't here. The rest of my family has not gone along with what I felt was best for me after I 'matured'. I am frequently forced to do things I don't want to do. I'm not talking about chores, but like games that I don't like playing. Take for instance summer '05. Holy shit. I played one game with my family, 3 times a day, every day of summer until i left for prin. What. The. Fuck? I HATE the game. I just feel lonely out here in washington. No friends very close, the friends I have are pretty shitty. I've got one or two good friends here. During the summer though, i'm away from school, and what I consider my family, friends, and lovers. It's one thing to say that 'my choice is the best for you', it's another for it to actually be true. I just. Feel so damn lonely. Current Mood: lost Current Music: Supermassive Blackhole - Muse (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
10:12 pm	Death of a Conscious Being That is what has happened to me. I have died. Am I conscious? I don't know. I never know. How should I know? When we lose consciousness we don't realize what has happened. Yes. So perhaps I am dead right now. It's an interesting thought. So having my sister home now, we are back in the trenchs on the western front. Arguments about really stupid things, stupid siblings. Honestly, I try to stay out of fights and arguments in this house as much as I can. It's the only sensible thing to do. But then who am I to be sensible? I sit in front of my computer for hours on end, neglecting my fitness, and eat things that aren't so healthy. Yes. I'm that bad. A horrible overweight man. Big fucking deal. So yeah, I'm working on it though. I eat better now. And eventually I guess I'll make it outside to run. That'll be exciting. At least I won't feel guilty about playing games for like 20 hours a day. Wow I need a life. So still no responses from Mia. Yeah, it's getting kind of worrying. But I don't think I should fret over it. I'm a fucking worry whore, and I construe things all the time. I got a new button. It's called the kill button. I really like it. You can see it in my avatar. It's usefull when I want to kill a program, but even more useful if I want to kill whatever is happening in my house. It happens I guess. So some people have asked if I'm ok, or if I am psychotic. How the fuck should I know? I'm still getting used ot this life. Perhaps you should step into my shoes, then you can tell me if I am ok. Fuck life. Peace. Daniel Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Knights of Cydonia - Muse (Comment on this)
Monday, August 7th, 2006
11:06 am	A New Day is Dawning Indeed. A new day is dawning. A new age. A new life. Or lack thereof. We are destroying our nations. Our people. Our planet. We are left inside. Global warming. Polar Icecaps. Nuclear winter. It's all our fault. So today we are picking up my sister from the airport. I like honesty. I would be lieing if I said I was excited for her to come home. I know that is horrible. And I feel horrible. But I can only fake an emotion so long. This is the only place I can be honest. The only place I can be frank. That is the essence of this journal. Deal with it. I strained a neck muscle sleeping today. It seems rather pointless no? I wasn't even doing anything. I wasn't trying to take over the world, I wasn't even musing on this journal. No. I was unconscious. And the demons of life decided to spite me. And pull my neck muscle. They are probably laughing at my agony now. What a laugh. I feel like everytime I think about death, and then someone associated with it, that the person dies. Or animal. Two of my cats died recently because I 'thought' they had died since they weren't coming back home. I guess that goes to show the power of thought. It's a powerful ally sometimes, but more often a cruel mistress, and a damned torturer. Life's a bitch. Peace. Daniel Current Mood: bored Current Music: 46 and 2 - Tool (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
11:13 pm	Darkness Falls I am not a man of many words, unless I want to say something. Greetings. My name is Daniel. Welcome to me. "With this knife, I'll cut out the part of me that cares for you." My philosophies on life may be twisted. Some people say I should see a psychologist. I rather like to see it as creativity. A look into the mind of the truely raving mad. I'm not looking for publicity. I'm looking for fellow seekers of the truth. Happiness and depression aren't tops on my list. But they strike me when the need comes. I am hardly enthusiastic about anything. Don't hold that against me. That is who I am. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Then let us knock on the door of wisdom. Let us me the loved beholder. Show me beauty. I'll show you pain. Welcome to Pain Overdose. (Comment on this)